Read This Only If You Are As Bored As Moi

There is a deluge of superhero movies in recent years from Hollywood.It all started with the old Superman in the 80s,followed by Batman,Spiderman,X-men,Fantastic Four,Daredevil,Hulk and finally the 2006 Superman,making it a full circle.Even Bollywood and Thaiwood have their own superheroes now.
Soon,Hollywood will run out of ideas.I cannot help imagining what if they turn to the Malay world for inspiration.

1. The Malay equivalent of Superman is definitely Hang Tuah,that typical I-cant-leave-my-magic-kris-at-home Malay warrior.He is often criticised for his blind loyalty to his Sultan,but hey give that guy a break.Even Japanese samurais are equally loyal.Among the bizzare things that Hang Tuah did was charming little princesses off their sarongs and presented them to the playboy Sultan as concubines.He also killed his best friend who went postal while defending his honour.Office politics aside,Hang Tuah was a fearsome fighter.It is a documented fact that the whole Malacca empire army consisting of thousands of swordsmen,archers,spikers and cannoners cannot defeat this single man,thus elevating him to superhuman status.While Superman is just a creation of a bored Ang Moh on a lazy Sunday afternoon,proof of Hang Tuah's existence are scattered all over Malacca today.

2.The Malay equivalent of the Hulk is Badang.You can read all about him at wikipedia. He lived in Temasek which actually means he's a Singaporean(Hurray!)Long ago,the Sultan of Temasek ordered his marine engineers to build a ship as large as the Titanic.When it's completed,1000 men could not pull it to the coastline.Who else but Badang,with his Hulk-like strength,can single-handedly pulled the ship to the coast.No need gamma radiation one,just eat the devil's vomit can already(Eeee..so fear factor!)While the Hulk is just a creation of a bored Ang Moh on a lazy Sunday afternoon,Badang is documented in the Sejarah Melayu(Malay annals)

Supervillians-What's a superhero without supervillians.While Hollywood supervillians always wants to rule the world or fight for global domination,Malay supervillians on the other hand are contented with terrorising young female virgins.I dont know whether to laugh or to hurl.

1. Orang Minyak
If Hollywood has its way,the story would go like this.The cliched brilliant scientist from Texas fell into a radiated oil well in Dallas and mysteriously turned into the Oily Man,whcih enable him to evade police arrests easily.He now uses his newly found powers to rape young virgins.

2. Kum Kum
Back in 1978,there was this vain makcik who wanted to win the year's Miss Universe pageant.She made a pact with The Devil who promised her great beauty,with the condition that she must not look into the mirror for 40 days.Impatience got the better of her,she took a peek into the mirror,and as a result she was badly disfigured.The Devil told her she had to suck the blood of 40 (what else) virgins in order to restore her beauty.(Why this unhealthy obsession with virgins,I dont know)FYI,there has never been a Malay winner in the Miss Universe pageant since 1978 due to this setback.

3.The Panties Sniper(With this kind of perverted villian on the loose,there is no hope for the Malay race,in particular young female virgins )Another true, documented story.Read the newspaper report below

NOT even thick clothing could protect two teenage girls from the return of the panties snipper.

Villagers in Kuala Terengganu claim that a pervert who breaks into homes to snip parts of panties off sleeping teenage girls has struck again, reported The Star.

The latest incident at Kampung Tanjung Jafar involved two teenage girls.

Since 11 Aug, several teenage girls claimed to have been attacked by the 'hantu gunting' (scissor ghost, in Malay).

Villagers, fearful of another attack, had warned their daughters to sleep under thick blankets and to wear slacks over their panties.

But the culprit has been able to cut through the protective layers and, later, cut out pieces of their panties.

Victims described the 'ghoulish' figure as being short and having a bad body odour. However, the police suspect that he is a sex fiend.

The two teenage girls in the latest incident, Siti Aisha Rashid and Nurfiri Razali, both 15, said that the culprit broke into their homes several days ago while they slept.

Siti said that she had sensed someone touching her thighs, causing her to wake up. The culprit had managed to cut through her tracksuit and was pulling at her panties. However, she managed to kick him in his chest, causing him to flee.

Her neighbour, Nurfiri, said that when she awoke, she found a hole in a blanket after the culprit sliced off a part of her panties.

They were unable to identify the assailant.