Malay TV Dramas

Life is not a Hollywood movie.It is more like a Malay drama, where the hero does not necessarily win.Then again, nobody gives a hoot about Malay drama heroes.

After watching the barrage of Malay movies/dramas during Hari Raya airtime, here are some acute observations ;

) To resolve affairs of the heart, the venue of choice is always East Coast Park(More recently, the waterfront area at Marina). The girl, with a pair of sunglasses on her head, will occupy the space under one coconut tree, while the boy will take an adjacent one. They will refer to themselves as 'I' and 'You', and the scene will climax with the girl's face streaked with tears ('You bilang I sekarang, you masih cintakan I ke tidak'--Tell me now, do you love me or not?), and the boy will run his hand through his hair (An expression of Malay angst, described by the word, 'frust').

2) On the deathbed, the terminally-ill will tend to see the light, especially when surrounded by those who he or she has wronged. There will always be time to beg forgiveness from everyone, before the last breath is exhaled, usually reserved for the all-important mengucap (a kind of prayer which is one of the five pillars of Islam), which is the definitive sign of insaf (repentance and eventual submission to God).

3) At the hospital, a doctor will always be ambushed by anxious relatives, who will ask: 'Bagaimana keadaan dia sekarang, doktor?' (What's the patient's condition like, doctor?) The doctor will look serious and tentative, maybe sigh a bit, before finally replying, 'Keadaan dia stabil. Tetapi dia perlu banyak berehat.' (His conditon is stable. But he needs plenty of rest.) The doctor will also be carrying a clipboard.

4) You can go blind by crying.

5) Miscarriages often occur when someone falls down the stairs.

6) The boss of a company sits at his desk, usually writing longhand notes. There is no computer on his desk. There are many ring files at the cabinet behind him. To show how important he is in the company, when he leaves his office, he tells his secretary, 'Kalau orang telefon, bilang saya keluar sekejap.' (If anyone calls, tell him I'm not in.)

7) People are capable of having conversations in nightclubs without raising their voices or shouting into each other's ears. This is usually because they always manage to find the quietest corner of the pub to park themselves.

8) Only baddies, like delinquents and drug peddlers go to nightclubs. The only good people in nightclubs are undercover policemen.

9) Brain tumours are cancers of choice, because sufferers get dizzy and tend to faint melodramatically. Cervical and breast cancer are like, you know, private. As for lung, colon and stomach cancer, they're just not as aesthetic on those CAT scans as the ghostly cerebral ones.

10) Hari Raya is the best time for character transformations. The sound of the Aidilfitri prayer call on Hari Raya morning is enough to send drug addicts, glue sniffers, drunkards, adulterers, street gang members and girls who wear too much make up into depths of remorse.
(Adapted from Alfian Secret Wank Shed)