PC Problems?

Having a problem with your personal computer? Don't know what to do? Worry not!Let me help you with your problems! I hereby, have prepared a remedy guide (in a convenient FAQ format, again) that specifically addresses the most common problems that a personal computer could ever encounter.
Case #1
Q: Each time I press the power-on button on my portable computer, the LEDs on its keyboard will flash several times and then the computer shuts off... What's happening here?? That thing's supposed to be brand new! [squeal]

A: How unfortunate. But I reckoned that it's not as unfortunate as those poor people in Africa. They hardly get anything to wear at all... what more a portable computer to entertain themselves. Instead of getting anal over petty matters like this, you should probably count your blessings for that advantage and live with it. Or you can choose to buy another notebook computer...
Case #2
Q: When I try to move my mouse pointer to the left, it'll drift off to the right. When I try to left click on something, it'll just disappear. I'm getting really frustrated over this... Somebody told me that this might be a motherboard problem... how do I confirm this?

A: Just live with it. Think about those emaciated children suffering in Africa... they're so starved, that they'll eat a real rodent, that is... if they could ever find one. You should be feeling grateful for what you have... or you can choose to move to another mouse.
Case #3
Q: My harddisk kept emitting these strange noises. It was as if there's a thousand microscopic carpenters working on something from inside it. Is this normal?

A: Strange or not, you should think about those unfortunate people suffering in Africa. Do they give a hoot about strange noises coming out from a harddisk? NO! They're more like worried about whether they could see the dawn of the next day. Just, get used to it... or you can choose to leave your country and go somewhere quieter...
Case #4
Q: Each time I connect my computer to an electrical outlet from the wall, it'll trip the whole damn building! What is going on here??

A: You should feel lucky that you actually have a building with electricity to trip on in the first place. Do you know that there are many unfortunate souls out there in Africa that only have the plain sky as their shelter? The only electricity they'd ever get is a big nasty lighning bolt from the mean sky, and the only time they ever get to experience a trip... is when they have their brain cooked with a few million volts of overstress. So, feel lucky already, and live with it. Or you can move to another house that doesn't trip.
Case #5
Q: My pet dog kept complaining about pain on its left hind leg... and unusual moisture forming off on its muzzle. He said he might be having some kidney problems and terminal stage arthritis. I ain't no vet and I don't know what to do. I need some help here.

A: I ain't no vet neither... you tool. You should probably spend some time to reflect the fact that there are many more unfortunate dogs in Africa with more serious and chronic problems than your pet dog. Your dog was probably too lucky to have an overdose of grease laden synthetic dog food (while the African canines are starving every awakening minute) and caught those fashionable disease. You should just move out of the house and find another dog... or you can just stop whining and get used to it.

You're welcome.