Funny Quotes And Pronounciation

I went to the Phonics Workshop yesterday and it was quite exciting.Basically,we learned about pronouncing words properly using the International Phonics Alphabet and also about Received Pronounciation(English Language Of The Highest Class).Believe me,if you overdo it,you really would sound like a 'kantang'.The instructor was a middle-aged lady with an immaculate knowledge of the English Language because she only listens to BBC radio and none other(I dont even know what frequency that channel is) She can identify mispronounced words faster than Michael Schumacher on a Ferrari. If she were to ever visit BMT(Obedience School)at Pulau Tekong(Doom Island),she would faint at the atrocious pronounciation and appalling English spoken there.Hehehe

Examples

- see that Tekong ah, have really bad lung disease (has)
- As an officer here, we have pride (officers)
- [On peer appraisal] If you f*** lah, l** **** lah, then you think we want you as an officer? [Shows 2 middle fingers]
- For air force [training] they will go on to AFST. Advanced... F*** lah, I also don't know what is that. (that is)
- This is the time when we will excess them on their knowledge and abilities (assess)
- [On his talk] You all [are] very tense... The previous few batches all can't stop laughing. Nevermind, think I can't make it already (couldn't)
- In OCS we don't only cheong sua. We study also. As officers, we are gentlemen. Walk around with handkerchief. (handkerchiefs)
- You all are not responding, f*** lah. You all want to book out now ah?... You all are forced to come here ah?... I am also forced to conduct this [talk] for you
- [On Brunei] Water ah, they ask you to drink ice milo. Outside, the [something] river, ice milo- What, you dream NS, chao keng, 8-to-5, at night see girlfriend, next day 8-to-5?
--- OCS Talk

- dee'ar / dyar way of life (their)- Basic Military Service trains young boys into men (?)
--- Video screened on Enlistment Day

- crack and tum procedure (thump)
--- BMT Outfield Video

- Have you copy finish already? (finished copying)
- I am also taking care of your well-bean (well-being)
- many factors infruencing your feeling (influencing, feelings)
- anybody without hair look younger (looks) (?)
- or you go to the saloon (salon)
- one or two nights still orh'care (okay)
- some of you got the big breath (have, breasts)
- I hope by now you understand the rational (rationale)
- lie down the soar'far (on the sofa)
- take the dry ice and sleep can become coolest (if you take, sleep with it you will feel cool
- I also snore very loud. My why also complain I snore. (wife, complains)
- mixing with last group of persons (a large, people)
- I urge you all to more considerate of others (to be, to)
- don't take too long a tarm (time)
- the airplane cannot wait to let go the boh'm (drop, bomb)
- I'm very particular with food (about)- poke rib (pork ribs)
- [On food] If they give you too little, you complain. If they give you too much, you keep quiet, understand or not?
- every week we survey the food (conduct a survey about)
- [On fining the caterers] NTUC owned by Government, MINDEF also owned by Government, so Government one hand take [money] out of left pocket, one hand put in right pocket (Both NTUC and MINDEF are owned by the Government, so fining the former has no effect)
- Some of your instructors like to use vulgar language... all the 4 letter words... it is the Western influence (due to the)
- Vulgarity is not SAF culture (Vulgarities are not part of)
- [On vulgarity spouting instructors] I will call him up, give him a bottle of Dentol to wash his mouth (and give, Dettol)- we see what can be do (we'll, done)
- Army is very fun, trust me- Very fun what, can go overseas, look for Osama- Can watch R(A) already right? A lot of [those born in 19]81 here right
- You'll find if you co-operate, one big family, everyone very happy, then you all will sign on together (you'll be one, will be very)
- The SAF Fieldpack is magical
- Say your IC number loudly, clearly and softly (slowly)
- decoration of personal belongings (declaration)
- You are not allow to bring the following items into camp (allowed)-
fall into your trees (threes)
- Sergeant around, call me 'Corporal.' Sergeant not around, call me 'Clerk'. (If the Sergeant is)
- the prawno (porno)
- [Am I addressed as] Sergeant or Sir? [Recruit: Sergeant, Sir!]
- [On someone's dog tag] You look like shit, you understand or not, you look like a dog
- What subject did you drop? [Recruit: Econs] Econs, wah lau, f***ked up lah- [To recruits] The lowest form of life that walks this camp is you
- How many of you are smokers?... Can quit by today or not?
- I'll confiscate all your cigarette butts (cigarettes)
- [On dirty uniforms in cupboards] One of these days, I go and open your cupboard, I faint, you all die
- noxious (nauseous)
- Gryphon Company is a very good company... you can tell by the building, it is an independent building
- [On pullups] instead of pull yourself up, you pull the bar down (pulling)
- [On SOC] You run run run run run to the wall, you bang the wall
- Later, you all got aqua jogging. Wah, shiok man. (have)
- You are not Melayu, drink too much water, you become drunk
- the next weights training section (session)
- [On opening the doors and windows of the weights room] You all cannot tahan your own smell, I tell you
- sitted row (seated)
- and you start ruling (rowing)
- You decide for yourself whether you are left handed or right handed, that means which hand you use to masturbate
- remarks, you write whether you think you are f***ked up or what... No [it's a joke]
- [Me on army songs: Who wrote these?] Lim Bo Seng- a wool (wound)
- [On swimming lessons] no rubber duckies
- boat carrier (bolt)
- [On wanting to jog one more round] I've been in army so long; this is the first time I hear recruits want extra training
- all the instructors will go more into details (into more detail)
- when a girl orgasms, her eyes become smaller, so your girlfriend, if she ahh ahh ahh, eyes... [never change in size] then you know she's bluffing (if your girlfriend goes)
- an'anaerobic (anaerobic)
- very easily shack out one (shagged)
- [Recruit: Smoker lose weight] Talk cock. Smoker lose weight
- then [why are] you still here? (Smokers)
- the objective of us (for)
- welfare, you have to earn for it (it)
- You all come here, we train you so hard, lose so much weight, then later you become medic, storeman, CQ, you become even fatter than you are now (and you lose, you will become:, you will)
- You all come here, you find that you all everyday are sleepy! Outside, you all have this disease or not? [Recruits: No] I also have
- [On SOC obstacles] I make sure you all clear until your saliva come out (clear them, comes)
- obeet (obese)
- we practice you first (let you practice)
- gunpowder is very flame'mable (flammable)
- For those who are curious about bullet wounds, don't go and shoot your buddy to see what a bullet wound looks like
- The best time to enjoy your army life is during your BMT when you have no rank. You don't need to think.
- The name of the second demonstration is known as pistol drag (is)
- There is no fixed and hard rule (hard and fast)
- There are certain injuries that cannot be used for this type of evacuation (which, when suffered, make this type of evacuation unsuitable)
- Blood flow from the chest can easily flow out like that (Blood)
- You have been showed the 2 man supporting carry (shown)
- Carrying the stretcher using 4 men, 2 men or even just 3 men (3, 2)
- It will spread from people to people. (person to person)
- That is why you are booking in tonight instead of tomorrow morning. Who else will ensure that you have 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep? [Spreads hands] You can't take care of yourself.
- RJC girls, the green skirt, wah lan eh. [Me: Go ACJC] ACJC, cannot. Too power.- You will be doing 2 positions today.
One is doggie style, the other is 69 (foxhole, prone)
- [On someone] He laughs like a gila... You watched the Lion King or not?
- Mohammed Is'mail (Ismail)
- This christmas tree... when it's old it's called 'chamber brush'
- Don't go JC and teach... go into the lecture theatre, look up, all the girls zaogeng... [Recruit: Good what] Can't concentrate.
- "Girls, please close your legs"
- I want to see ah, how desperate you all are [Drops 1/4 of a "Cheese Ring" snack on the floor]
- [On someone shooting a the wrong target during simulated range] You shoot, you shoot like a sniper like that, but you aim at the wrong place. Ask you to shoot target you go and kill your Commander (sniper, If I ask, a target you will)
- [On the standing hip position] Not the cock, I see some people just now, [adopted the] standing cock position.
- training shack (shed)
- Anybody not feeling well? [Recruits: No sergent, fighting fit, yeah!] Gryphon company, when I'm here, don't try do that fighting fit shit (doing)
- Who came here dean lose weight one? (Who hasn't lost weight since coming here?)
- [On someone being afraid of getting shot] You got buy insurance or not? Why you worry? (Have you bought insurance? Then why do you worry?)
- One thing, when you get married then you'll know. Your size, is it difficult?... What style do you want to adopt? [Recruit: Standing shoulder position]
- Just imagine, if your wife see you, wah lan. Then you take off your shirt. Your breasts are bigger than hers. (sees)
- Some of you all also watch VCD. Dirty one, right or not? (VCDs. Obscene ones, right?)
- Good morning gentlemen. [Recruits: Good morning Sir] This is a talk cock session, so please relax.
- Just listen me out (hear)- core'right (correct)
- Make sure your son next time, become President's Scholar, become Minister of Defence, come up with a good training programme. Work one day, rest one day. [Recruit: Work 1 day, rest 2 days]
- You, injured, nevermind. You spoil my chair you die.- One more cough [out of you lot] ah, all go and see [the] doctor- By the way, Geylang, odd road got nothing one. Only even road. (roads have nothing, roads)
- a new pair of uniform (set)
- north'turn part of Pulau Tekong (northern)
- Who is old enough to watch R(A) movie?... You must tell your PRC and Sergeant * what it's like to watch an R(A) movie (movies)
- [On me reading the Economist] Shit, you're a man, you read this sort of magazine?- IA [Immediate Action] f****s, IA f****s, watch your front
- Seah Shu... Seah Shuqi Gabriel, 109. I like your name.
- [Recruits while marching: Good Morning Sergeant] Hi.
- No questions? I have a question
- who took my pen?... Since I was posted here all my pens have been stolen, that's why I carry this bag with me [hoists slingbag], so I can slot it in (them)
- [On someone with measles] Don't share his razor blade, his vibrator
- the distance around it which it has effective effect (effective distance)
- [On hand grenade throwing] If you have sweaty palms, you still throw. But no instructor will be in there with you. (will still)
- If you do the math, 1 plus 2 is, surprisingly, 3.
- The minimum passing criteria for your 2.4 is 12:20. You get 15:15, [makes high-pitched congratulatory noise and waves arms]
- [On someone with measles] Must be you all, keep making fun of him, he too stressed, get measles (he got, and caught)
- While you all are gone, platoon 1 will witness me doing 20 pushups for using the word "ch** b**"
- [Heavily abridged] If you run out of rounds, will you go and do bayonet fighting? If you run out of rounds, what will you do? [Recruits: Run] You throw the rifle at the enemy, then you run... Don't say I say one ah
- tricepes extension (triceps) (written)
- If I see you sleeping while you are standing, ah, then you can sleep
- Not all weapon is like M16, shoot and fire (weapons are like the, aim)
- tongle rope (toggle)
- [After a whole row of people walked past him, greeting him] Don't greet
- This [white] shirt, I wear for 9 days already. The yellow one [singlet], 2 weeks. (I've been wearing this shirt for 9 days, and the yellow singlet for 2 weeks)
- Who's your parade state i/c?... I heard he's a big f***k.
- When I was a recruit, I also use the lift (used)
- Sergeant Wayang (Hua Yang)
- [On someone having Pi Pa Gao {Pei Pa Go} in the toiletries section of the cupboard] I don't understand why you all mix your food with non-edibles... One day you'll wash your hair with Pi Pa Gao.
- [Officer on making the platoon cut through a building to fall in instead of making them march around it: Welfare] Welfare? I'm trying to be cruel and you say "welfare"?
- The first lesson for tomorrow is a brisk walk. [Consternation from Recruits] Yes, we all know that this is not true [It is actually a jog]
- We all know that when Lietenant ****** is the CDO, strange things will happen
- Unfortunately, the OOCs will also confined, together with everyone else... Why are you [all] so happy?
- [On a VIP from Indonesia's visit] No crab, no bars but star, so tomorrow all the crabs walking around, all the seafood.
- [On a demonstration of bayonet fighting] You see Yap, he die already still can smile (still can smile after death)
- [On me, after I commented about the resetting of pushups to the Commanding Officer] You're totally a civilian. Cannot make it.
- that's their intelligent (intelligence)